You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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