Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
