ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
