cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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