just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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