come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
