Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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