My cat gives me a boner
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
