I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
