My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just gargled with NyQuil
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
