Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude. I can hear the air.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
