i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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