last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
