dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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