Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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