Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
