she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
