so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
