He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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