i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
