How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
