i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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