remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
