Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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