Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize