He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
