wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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