I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
