Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize