i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it hurts more in the daytime
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
