Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
