tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
