I am in a vortex of obligation.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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