I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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