We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
