To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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