I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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