I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
