It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My ass is underappreciated
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
