shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
