I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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