I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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