My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
