Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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