I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
