Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Life is so much better after having sex.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
