So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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