Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
