dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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