please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
