Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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