but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
