she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
