insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
