I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
