Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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