Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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