just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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