Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
