he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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