just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
How external is "for external use only"?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
