Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
