Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
