He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
