Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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