i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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