when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
