my mouth tastes like poor choices
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
