Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize