You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
