He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
