Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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