legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
