i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize