The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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