Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
