She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
