I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
