U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
