sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
