Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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