after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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