my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
