you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
