think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When are your genitals available?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
