She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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