I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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