i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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