omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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