he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize