Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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