google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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