I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize