You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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