I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
