____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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