So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
