whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize