ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
