I puked a lego.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
