man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
