At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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