I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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