More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
