A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
