You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
